I feel that as you get older, the people you have around you matter more and more every day.
Especially if you’ve started a family, these ‘friends’ are going to be influencing and affecting their lives too.
At one point in time, you just chose friends based on how funny they were or perhaps because you both enjoyed the same video game or whatever.
Every so often, I sit back and think about these ‘friends’ I have accumulated and wonder if they’re actually valuable to me or do they just make me laugh every once in a while.
While pondering this, I also realized that many people are not careful about choosing their friends as they should be; they simply state that anyone with who they might have had a good interaction is their friend.
And I think this is probably because people don’t understand just how valuable the right friends can be.
And just how detrimental the wrong friends can be.
What are friends for?
Let’s first establish what I think friends are for, specifically when you get older in life.
I think as a kid you can be friends with anyone as long as they are not leading you down a crappy path, the class clown is a valuable friend if you like to laugh, even if he has some weird obsession with aliens.
As an adult, I think friends are important as you need to essentially have a group of people you can rely on when times get hard (which they inevitably will).
And I’m not talking about people who can lend you money.
I’m talking about people who can lend you advice and who actually give a damn about you instead of those friends who cheer you up by taking you out for a drink, doing god knows what, just to forgot about your troubles.
Sure those things are fine every once in a while, but if you’ve got a true crisis going on you, you need a support group you can lean into.
Now, this ‘support group’ could be your family, but the issue with this (specifically talking about males) is if you’re the ‘leader’ or the ‘ruler’ of your household, putting your worries on your wife is not going to be very good, especially in a household where you have children.
I am not saying your wife and you cant solve your problems, you can, but they rely on you to be their rock, so they’ll tend to lean on you with their troubles.
This is fine.
This only goes to shit when you are both putting your troubles on one another, simply because then there is no rock, you are both just leaning and putting pressure on each other.
Because of this, it will be very difficult to actually solve your problems and thus you might even begin to hate this person as things are going to be constantly negative.
Of course, this will put huge stress on your relationship.
This is why a friendship group, a strong one, is important.
You need a group of people, specifically of the same sex, who actually get you.
They will understand what you’re going through, because they have either gone through it themselves or they are going through it right now.
These friends cannot be found from random people you’ve had one conversation with.
You need to pick and choose these people carefully too, you might let a wolf in sheep’s clothing get amongst your friendship group, who might pray on your weaknesses and manipulate you in whatever way.
Thats why I truly believe you should be very careful of who you call a friend.
There is a lot of analyzing that goes into choosing the right people for you, especially as a young adult where it’s really hard to figure out how a potential friend’s life my shape up.
You might pick a friend who seems good for you, but they could turn out to be the biggest loser ever, drowning you alongside them.
Just have your bullshit detector on at all times.
Friendship groups can also be very helpful if you have a similar goal in mind.
If you want to change the world for the better, a friendship group is awesome if you all have a similar goal in mind which you can strive for together.
It sounds cringe perhaps, and I’m not talking about a ‘goal’ like you’d get in the workplace working for Jeff Bezos where the common goal is to make some more money so he can buy another Lambo.
No, what I’m saying is you define a common goal and work on it together, you hit your goal whilst improving each other, lifting each other up, and becoming your best possible self.
This is what friends should be.
Not just some guy who you go out with and makes you laugh.
It needs to be someone who wants the best for you, as much as you want it for him, so you can become the best version of yourself.
Not only is this good for both of you, but this is simply going to be good for those around you.
Whether it be family, or just random people lives which you could positvility affect.
Why people don’t choose better friends
I found the answer to this question pretty obvious if im honest.
The reason why people don’t choose better friends is the same reason why people don’t break up with a girlfriend/boyfriend they no longer love anymore; they are scared to be without somebody.
They realize all the perks that come with having a partner and don’t want to lose them, so they convince themselves they can put up with the negatives so they can at least still share a bed with someone at night.
But of course, this ALWAYS ends badly and will make things worse than if they were to just dump him or her as soon as they realized their heart wasnt in it anymore.
From a friends perspective, you don’t want to cut off one of your friends, especially a long-time friend, because you then feel as if thoes time you spent goether would have been a huge waste.
On top of this, it’s really hard to make actual friends, especially in the modern world.
So it’s much easier to stay friends with the mediocre ones than it is to expose yourself to things like rejection and bad choices so that you can make better friends.
Its hard to find the RIGHT friends, how could you possibly find a good friend at the bar?
- Its weird to approach someone, especially of the same sex in a bar since this is generally wher you go pick up people to hook up with
- Your ideal friend probably isnt going to be in the bar, or is he?
Your ideal friend is probably sitting at home, working on his craft, or they’re in another country seeing out their dreams, just like you want to do.
But how can you ever get in touch with these people?
Well, this is something I haven’t quite answered just yet; to be fair though there are lots of online groups that make it easier to find people in one space that are of similar interest to you.
There are good areas of Twitter you can very easily find future long time friends who are gong to bring out the best in you, you just have to look for it.